Soooooo....... the kids are on spring break and guess what we're doing? NOTHING. That's right, NOTHING. My husband still leaves for work at 6:30 am but I do not get to do my absolute fave thing of the day - put my kids on the bus. "Bye-bye! Love you! Kiss kiss (Thank the LORD!!!!!)"
Nope...not this week. The fighting and the screaming and the nagging starts at exactly 9am...when I turn the TV off because I feel supremely guilty for sticking them in front of the tube for 3 hours while I mainline coffee , throw frozen waffles at them,and check my email.
So today, 3 days into this nightmare, I decide to be Super Mompa and take them to the beach. I love spring at the ocean....the cool breeze, the empty parking lots, my kids running from waves and shoving sand in their pants.... I woke up with a spring in my step and ran downstairs. Who wants to go to the BEACH??!! The kids go wild, scurrying around for pails and nets.
I get them all strapped in, snacks in lap, favorite tunes on the Ipod by 9:30am. We exit the driveway yelling, "Beach, beach, beach, beach..."
10 minutes outside of town, totally rocking out to Soul Sister by Train, OD (oldest daughter) starts yelling, "Mom! Mom! Turn my speaker down! It's too loud!" MS (middle son) starts backhanding her and telling her to shut up. YS (youngest son is happily singing along..."watching you's the only drug I need..." So Super Mom turns the radio down, and switched to a mellower tune. MS starts chanting, "I hate this song...it's stupid. I hate this song...it's stupid." YS is screaming, "I want Soul Sister!" And OD shouts, "I can't HEAR it!"
Screeching tires......car on the side of the road. Mommy is foaming at the mouth. "Are you KIDDING me???? I pack your lunches and fun beach stuff and drive an hour and a half so you can have fun and THIS is how you act??? THAT'S it, we're going HOME! (car pulling into driveway to turn around, children begging, screaming and crying) Do you think I'm going to the beach for ME?? DO YOU??? Let me tell you what I'd rather do today...I'd rather hire a sitter and spend the day by MYSELF!!!" (Foam and spittle flying all over, hitting YS in the face.) All three kids are crying...I feel like a shithead and drive to the beach, whiling calling my friend Kim to relay my latest psycho mommy episode.
The day at the beach is pretty good, except for YS pooping his pants because I couldn't find a rest area and MS kicking sand all over the beautifully laid picnic...(more screaming and spitting ensued).
On the way home, Kim calls.
Kim: Just checking to make sure the kids are still alive.
Me: Yep...they're in legal custody.
Kim: WHAT????
Me: Some bitch called DCYF when I was chasing my naked kids around the beach with a stick.
After stopping for ice cream on the way home...
Me: Who's the best mommy in the world?
Kids: You are! You are!
Me: Mmm Hmm..........that's right baby.....
Nope...not this week. The fighting and the screaming and the nagging starts at exactly 9am...when I turn the TV off because I feel supremely guilty for sticking them in front of the tube for 3 hours while I mainline coffee , throw frozen waffles at them,and check my email.
So today, 3 days into this nightmare, I decide to be Super Mompa and take them to the beach. I love spring at the ocean....the cool breeze, the empty parking lots, my kids running from waves and shoving sand in their pants.... I woke up with a spring in my step and ran downstairs. Who wants to go to the BEACH??!! The kids go wild, scurrying around for pails and nets.
I get them all strapped in, snacks in lap, favorite tunes on the Ipod by 9:30am. We exit the driveway yelling, "Beach, beach, beach, beach..."
10 minutes outside of town, totally rocking out to Soul Sister by Train, OD (oldest daughter) starts yelling, "Mom! Mom! Turn my speaker down! It's too loud!" MS (middle son) starts backhanding her and telling her to shut up. YS (youngest son is happily singing along..."watching you's the only drug I need..." So Super Mom turns the radio down, and switched to a mellower tune. MS starts chanting, "I hate this song...it's stupid. I hate this song...it's stupid." YS is screaming, "I want Soul Sister!" And OD shouts, "I can't HEAR it!"
Screeching tires......car on the side of the road. Mommy is foaming at the mouth. "Are you KIDDING me???? I pack your lunches and fun beach stuff and drive an hour and a half so you can have fun and THIS is how you act??? THAT'S it, we're going HOME! (car pulling into driveway to turn around, children begging, screaming and crying) Do you think I'm going to the beach for ME?? DO YOU??? Let me tell you what I'd rather do today...I'd rather hire a sitter and spend the day by MYSELF!!!" (Foam and spittle flying all over, hitting YS in the face.) All three kids are crying...I feel like a shithead and drive to the beach, whiling calling my friend Kim to relay my latest psycho mommy episode.
The day at the beach is pretty good, except for YS pooping his pants because I couldn't find a rest area and MS kicking sand all over the beautifully laid picnic...(more screaming and spitting ensued).
On the way home, Kim calls.
Kim: Just checking to make sure the kids are still alive.
Me: Yep...they're in legal custody.
Kim: WHAT????
Me: Some bitch called DCYF when I was chasing my naked kids around the beach with a stick.
After stopping for ice cream on the way home...
Me: Who's the best mommy in the world?
Kids: You are! You are!
Me: Mmm Hmm..........that's right baby.....
